Yes, I Am Having A Good Friday Barometer

I'm really going to be bringing the video content on this one since KRS-One needs it for oh so very many things. Seriously, though, you 56k-using dial-up AOL.com e-mail having pranksters may want to join us in the 21st century and skip this go-round. As for the rest of y'all--

REGULAAAAAAATORS! Mount up!

ALBA: Mmm-MMM, this week has been freedomtastic. With the rest of the family going to the chick ball final four I have had the house to myself. You'd be surprised to find this out, but it turns out my family and the lack of money are the cause of all the lack-of-female stress in my life. Give me my tax return at the speed of light and autonomy? It turns out I can get around 30, almost 60, and sometimes 90 minutes of writing done a day while buffering it with practicing poker, keeping up on podcasts, wallowing in my own crapulence, and laughing as the creditors dial the house phone as the same time as my cell and I ignore both. I'll be broke by Monday giving them a little cash and paying off old rent, but that should settle my equilibrium.

Cheney: Why do I have to write the Friday Barometer with Firefox every week? It's like Opera has a thing against the content I bring specificially for FBs. Some Ghost in the Machine shit going on, I swears.

Cheney: And how the hell did I get a cold in this, the best of all possible times?

ALBA: Quality speakers for $20. First time I have the new tower alongside actual audio. Life is good.

ALBA: BundchenBundchenBundchen! It's fun to say and a million more times more fun to look at. Of course, thinking about things has sent me down a Lewis Black path that should be killing me in the course of the next week, but it's a fine way to go. Questions that need to be answered, if you ask me--how does she have 3 other sisters with no brothers, b) how is the Victoria's Secret supermodel not automatically the hottie of the family, c) what are the odds of having 6 girls, c.5) let alone six hawwwwwwwwwwwt ones, 4) how much of your soul would you give up to walk in that house with your best friend, look around at the Bundchens at the pool, poke him in the shoulder and go "I'll dive on the grenade here"?, e) is this the first time in recorded history you would push your family in traffic to dive on the grenade?

And right before I passed out in a pool of my own DNA and sweat, I remember thinking "If it weren't for my horse..."

Cheney: Tom Brady. Seriously, motherFUCK him.

ALBA: "So, about 10 years ago we're in London riding in an original Edsel, and then we got to go all the way to the left side of the road. We're in Great England, is why! And all of a sudden Brasky goes, 'Did that rich bitch in the limo just cut us off?!' and I look ahead and I see this logo for the royal family, so I say to Brasky, 'Bill! It's Princess Diana!' And Brasky stares a hole from me--which healed in 4 months--and he says to me, 'You mean was Princess Diana.' The next thing I know I'm flying through a windshield wondering if my passport just fell out my pants. I can tell that story now because the statue of limitations has expired."

ALBA: Grindhouse. Just assuming. Now if there was only a way they could get cheap, awesome publicity and blow KMB's heart out his chest...naaaaaaaaaaah...

ALBA: In one of the greatest parodies of all time, Alanis will have you spending all your money on her, and spending time on her--her jiggling...it's oddly hypnotic...like a lava lamp...



ALBA: As the alleged table-setter the rest of the world takes their cues from, why the hell does our TV suck so much? Mexican TV owns us, and Brazilian TV owns everybody. Exhibit A.



And the defense motherfucking rests, because it's feeling oddly sleepy now.

ALBA: For everybody I'm dragging into the mashup world, Ramdom Thoughts brings an hour of bastard pop sweetness a week. And they shout me out in episode #50, which in no way, shape, or form influenced their position in this site. *cough*

ALBA: Girl Talk may not be the best DJ alive, but nobody's better. Almost an hour of phenaweomnal goddamn Gregg Gillis power, from his live New Year's Eve show in Chicago. There are singalongs from Tom Petty AND Tag Team. Paula Cole makes a 12-second appearance. Even the lowlight with the drunken moron screaming "GROOVE IS IN THE HEART" for the minute it's on is immediately assuaged with Jermaine Stewart. You read me right, Aaron. Jermaine Stewart. Anyhow, if I got to sell you on him after this, find yourself a new friend.



ALBA: San Diego's new mashup night is tomorrow night and thanks to his tireless grassroots promotional efforts certain people you know, love--well, tolerate and even take blog ideas from is getting a half-hour of requests to make heads turn, necks bruise, ears perks, and booties to decrease in horizontalality as if the surface is heated. I've been saying for months I'm going to throw it all away to become a DJ...and I might.

Cheney: Trying to narrow it down to 8 songs and a half-hour's worth of stuff when I have 200 songs and 12.4 hours worth.

ALBA: Libby had a few suggestions as I dropped a few of my favorites--stuff in the final pile of 30 that may make the cut and she's a fan of the Montell Jordan/GnR headbanger "This Is How We Do It In The Jungle" and the Most Evil And Wrong Song In the History Of Mankind That's Still Listenable, nin and Ace of Base bring together a rape baby in "She Wants Animals". I'm going with the fine folks at Uncast so you should have some pictures and I'll let y'all know how it goes.

This Friday Barometer Is Sponsored By Dunder-Mifflin

ALBA: I think my trip through the poker desert is over, at least today and probably tomorrow, too. I've played about 12 times this week--11th, 5th, 2nd yesterday, the win earlier this week. I am really proud of my play advancing almost to the point where I usually get busted by getting outdrawn (i.e., getting my money in with the best hand and the giddy fickle middle finger of fate coming into play and rarely getting trumped by the three, two, or single hand(s) they might have that can beat me, in which case I say "nh" and go "Well, the odds on that were pretty small. That's poker." I've been laying down two pairs and outdrawn three of a kinds recently, and that is some hard shit to get away from. I think something not noted about the proliferation of Tex on TV is that it gives so many myriad options to improve if not wholly overhaul whatever your style is, and you can pick and choose what you're going to take from the best players in the world. Old me was just getting lucky, more or less; me now is actually a good player. Great is way too egotistical for even me to believe at this point, but I definitely feel like I'm...I dunno, like 85th percentile or something. I suppose we'll find out next Saturday night.

GONZALEZ: Heard back from the unemployment office; turns out that firing was justifiable and I won't be getting the 90 bucks a week. (bitterly) Thank you, President Ford.

ALBA: there was that night that we thought that John Berryman could fly/but he didn't so he died... I am sooo close to renaming the blog a line from that song. Lazy Undisciplined Sleeping Late, mayhaps?

ALBA: Guess who's rocking the 2nd Uncast Sunday? Oh, yeah. You should get the first since Danny and Vicki did an actual debut that didn't blow chunks in the least, and if you don't know, now ya learnin'. It should be going up late Sunday/early Monday.

ALBA: San Diego is getting its own sort of bootleg Bootie all-mashup songs night club starting on the 7th, and you wouldn't believe who's in some early talks thanks to online forums about helping with the playlist. Then again, you are here. Maybe you would.

ALBA: You seen Sideshow Bob's sister on the Idle? Oh, I would chutney in those mangos...ya feel me? Ya feel me?! Ahhh, ya feel me.

GONZALEZ: I cannot stay asleep past 9 a.m. anymore--we're living odd because the apartment across from us is empty and getting shown. That living room shares a common wall with my bedroom. The one above from us had some sort of infestation and/or moveout, so upstairs they are banging and moving shit around on our roof.

ALBA: The novel (which at this point is still somehow unnamed, since I am beginning to sour on calling it Spin Spin Sugar given it's more hip-hop than whatever the fuck pointless label you'd like to assign the original Sneaker Pimps) is writing itself, at least for the next few scenes. It's excellent how new ideas present themselves as I write. When you wait for The Muse to come along, it's part of the feast or famine mentality. KRS-One feels me on this; maybe Libby, too. When it's not working it feels like It Will Never Work Again but when it does you become less "I'm writing a story" and more like court stenography.

ALBA: Watching the Bush-helmed chain of fools come apart is making for some especially awesome Daily Shows, Repors and Countdowns. Anybody else see the palpable sexual tension between Katie Couric and Stephen last night? Is it wrong I find Katie Couric attractive?

uhh: So I was writing the other day and this blonde sits across from me, which is usually good but she's too hot for Brittany. This is also usually good but since I am trying to be Serious Writer it's a problem. (The old brain-vs-penis chess game, y'understand?) And then the sweater comes off and holy Roger and Zapp, More Bounce to the Ounce. The tank top is stru-guh-ling. I lasted about 20 minutes and then I had to get to another computer and focus, dammit.

ALBA: On Broadway, my former favorite place in town but now merely a contender to the throne, is having a fun localized MySpace party next Thursday. Should be great; one of my favorite mashup DJs, 20 localized hotties (including a couple I know, go fig), and, most importantly to Rob, an hour-and-a-half of a hosted vodka bar. No sin greater, no rapture more exquisite...(Homer drool sound)

GONZALEZ: Why were all my out-of-town friends more than willing to have free vodka with me at an awesome place packed with hot girls getting drunk St. Guinness Day and none of my local ones? Hmm.

ALBA: Will headline the new Cuarenta Caliente out tomorrow, and this will probably be discussed in the Uncast.

GONZALEZ: I am finding ways to be broke. I have a little, but since I assumed unemployment was coming I restarted my account to get a debit card. It's going through processing. Hopefully it'll get here in the next couple days so I can e-file the taxes and score the big return money. That'll let me pay off some of the rent I owe and harvest the rest.

ALBA: The family is leaving for the chickball Final Four next weekend, which is great on its own. But they're also going back home to the Burgh so I get a week FREE to wallow in my crapulence. #1: Write whenever I want. #2: Drink. #3: When in doubt, go back to #2. #4: Poker night next Saturday. #5: WrestleMania at Hooters! #6: #2--really good idea. #7: Make sure AA's still for quitters. #8: Also, writing.

Sixx Mixx 69 (recommended: Lumidee over Audioslave, the Doors block, and "Intergalactic" over the Veronica Mars theme) Party Ben

This Is Not A Life, Because Lives Are Meant To Be Lived

So, after those two excellent interviews, I got rejected. Shocking, I know. It was a good way to augment a day where I sold my portable DVD player for $30, filled out unemployment, and am going to have to hope a mere $50 can keep my mom at bay until either the government checks or the tax refund (assuming I find a way to pay for it) check come in.

Oh, and I haven't had a date in almost a year.

Where is this glorious future I keep hearing about that's been absent since last fucking year? Anybody?

Fell On Black Days Soundgarden

Under Atmospheric Pressure...

ALBA: I love Australians. Even more so than usual.

ALBA: Since the Blogoogle switchover looking at the labels is almost as good as the posts sometimes.

MENCIA: Opera's being uppity, so I'm doing this out of Mozilla. I don't think there's that much of a difference, but it still seems off.

MENCIA: Why did my friend float the possibility of going to Mexico, getting drunk and lapdances tomorrow after I'd already made plans?

ALBA: iPod. Teacher. Mother. Secret lover.

ALBA: Rob floated me a little walking around cash.

ALBA: Finding more mashups. When they work, they work. Gary Numan + the Beatles. I may dedicate next weekend's Follow the Leader to a creme de la menthe list.

MENCIA: Getting shot down. I'm not exactly surprised given my lot in the world right now, but it would've been nice.

MENCIA: Actually lost at a home game Saturday for the first time in forever. Mere hours after the rejection, too. Apres moi, le deluge... I haven't posted a top 5 finish in a month. I keep coming between 13th and 25th, which was the original plan, and yet now that I'm here it sucks. So I'm in Must Always Win Mode. (Friends: As opposed to? Me: SHARRUP YOU MOUTH)

ALBA: Going to try to get back in the black tomorrow night.

ALBA: Had two consecutive excellent interviews with one of my top 5 clubs. It's a security position at a place I love where I've never seen a fight in the 12-17 odd times I've been there. Nice late start, too. Honestly, if I don't get this I don't know what I'm going to do. I might as well give up. I can't interview any better than I did. Even in the face of a ludicrously hot boss, I held serve.

MENCIA: The Rent Issue. Still. Where does one get $200 by the end of the month?

MENCIA: I owe about 3x what I thought I did bill-wise (forgot about other phone).

ALBA: Holy GOD was the Office awesome last night. Roy's meltdown was #1. #2 was Fancy New Beesley v2. #3 was "...or collapse in on myself like a dying star." I usually don't say this in the face of white-on-white crime but Roy is going to fuck that nigga Jim up...

MENCIA: In six weeks. Sad face.

ALBA: Well, the label says it all. Let's end this on an up note--









I Want To Take You Higher Sly and the Family Stone

Black Friday

How did my birthday go?

• Went to bed 2 or 3 hours early instead of staying up and writing to chase a job.
• Got up 2 or 3 hours early to go to the interview for the temp position.
• Bus.
• Trolley.
• Bus.
• Short walk.
• 30 minutes of paperwork.
• The interview. "We can't use you. You just got fired from there."
• My supervisor and her supervisor are my recommendations, at their behest, by the way.
• Playlists > Artists > Rage Against the Machine > Play All
• Now, I would go home and drink, but I have to sell my digital camera for the 4th time.
• This is a joke. I always set these appointments (one this past weekend) and they pull out.
• Rob tries to keep me from pulling a Nathan Petrelli. It barely works.
• I bet him they don't show.
• I get there 15 minutes early.
• I wait for 45 minutes.
• They don't show.
• I go home.
• Quickfly through the Internet.
• Am so aggrieved and about to implode I take all that stress and fall asleep.
• I wake up a couple hours later. My parents have gone to a high school basketball game.
• My brother never played.
• And graduated in June.
• And is here trying to get together with his possible girlfriend.
• They come home.
• No cake.
• No ice cream.
• Nothing resembling a present.
• My dinner is almost two hot dogs.
• This is hour 2 of debating whether murder or murder/suicide is the new black.

If tomorrow goes this badly, let the media know I was horribly misunderstood and they
all had to sacrifice themselves for penance.

Six Feet Under No Doubt