My Name's Not Mitchell Or Ness But I Throwback Like The Best Of Them

There is still a thin row of sweat going across my head. I keep coughing up what appears to slime in quarter and dime-sized increments. My neck is sore, and my back is a little off.

These are not stress-reduced ailments with the imminent return of the family; it's because I caught wreck again last night. I made a last second decision to go out again--empty house or not, it's still Friday night and I'm still 28, single, and semi-decent looking. I went to a one of my favorite usual spots and Jen the Hottest Bartender In the County had the night off at Confidential. Fortunately, the smoked bacon mini quesadillas were as good as ever. There was a cute girl named Megan in her place who's into baseball. (Previous sentence for Aaron.) I went down the block and as I stand on the corner someone asks me where Aubergine is. I happen to be going to Aubergine, so I get to lead them the rest of the way. It was hilarious for the four blocks we were together. I even pulled the "you kids back there better settle down or I'll turn this thing around and nobody'll go to Disneyland this year!" card.

And then we got there and then I had to pay. I hadn't paid a full cover in about 2 years. It blew. I jokingly brought it up to my DJing buddy, and he gave me half cover and hooked me up with some VIP stuff in the future. He put on "It Takes Two" when I asked for it, and I reciprocated with the Running Man.

Bitches loves the Running Man.

This sort of thing is what we in the writing industry call foreshadowing.

So Mikey kills his hour-and-a-half set, and the guys I made friends with bounce in the other room, and I make some friends in there, and I get my fill in before I'm about to bounce and catch the last bus back to the vicinity of here. But Mikey stops me, and then it happens.

We take a couple doors backstage, and then bang I'm on stage. The bass is ridonkulous. I can feel it vibrating through me. I gave a few head nods to my buddies at the front with a little "Hey, lookit me" smirk. And it's about 1, so the club is SRO at this point. Also at this point, I can see Mikey whispering to the DJ, Scooter, and he nods at me. In the immortal words of Tyler Durden, I knew the rest of the story before he even told it to me.

Let Us Take You Back To Earlier In The Night At Confidential, during which in conversation between pitches at the Padres game down the block I may have mentioned the Turk Dance seen earlier in the week at this site.

Now he slows down "Welcome To Jamrock" and naturally everybody starts looking towards the stage and it's Scooter on the decks, Mikey with a big shit-eating grin on his face, and me.

Fortunately for me, I'd had 4 beers.

The BBD groove hits and you'd think with like 500 people in front of you I would've focused on that but in my head it was all "Hit the steps. Hit the steps. Right over left." But I can say once I hit the hand clap and went behind the back the shit was officially on. It was nearly an out-of-body experience: the bass just creating a breeze, making sure early I hit the steps, hearing a metric shitload (scientific term) of people yelling GO GO GO at me. At that point, as everybody sang the bridge, it got to the chorus and it was Running Man time again.

This may be literally the most fun I've had with all my clothes on.

My friends in the front are about to fall over. This birthday girl Carmen who was friends with Scooter in this low-cut black top is jumping up and down so much I saw areola.

And I'm thinking to myself, "You know, I'm not the mayor, but I could probably fill in in a pinch."

So hopefully in a few hours, I get that feeling of joy back. And that first paragraph is going to magically disappear, if only for a while.

Alanis Morissette [MY HUMPS]

This Friday Barometer Is Sponsored By Dunder-Mifflin

ALBA: I think my trip through the poker desert is over, at least today and probably tomorrow, too. I've played about 12 times this week--11th, 5th, 2nd yesterday, the win earlier this week. I am really proud of my play advancing almost to the point where I usually get busted by getting outdrawn (i.e., getting my money in with the best hand and the giddy fickle middle finger of fate coming into play and rarely getting trumped by the three, two, or single hand(s) they might have that can beat me, in which case I say "nh" and go "Well, the odds on that were pretty small. That's poker." I've been laying down two pairs and outdrawn three of a kinds recently, and that is some hard shit to get away from. I think something not noted about the proliferation of Tex on TV is that it gives so many myriad options to improve if not wholly overhaul whatever your style is, and you can pick and choose what you're going to take from the best players in the world. Old me was just getting lucky, more or less; me now is actually a good player. Great is way too egotistical for even me to believe at this point, but I definitely feel like I'm...I dunno, like 85th percentile or something. I suppose we'll find out next Saturday night.

GONZALEZ: Heard back from the unemployment office; turns out that firing was justifiable and I won't be getting the 90 bucks a week. (bitterly) Thank you, President Ford.

ALBA: there was that night that we thought that John Berryman could fly/but he didn't so he died... I am sooo close to renaming the blog a line from that song. Lazy Undisciplined Sleeping Late, mayhaps?

ALBA: Guess who's rocking the 2nd Uncast Sunday? Oh, yeah. You should get the first since Danny and Vicki did an actual debut that didn't blow chunks in the least, and if you don't know, now ya learnin'. It should be going up late Sunday/early Monday.

ALBA: San Diego is getting its own sort of bootleg Bootie all-mashup songs night club starting on the 7th, and you wouldn't believe who's in some early talks thanks to online forums about helping with the playlist. Then again, you are here. Maybe you would.

ALBA: You seen Sideshow Bob's sister on the Idle? Oh, I would chutney in those mangos...ya feel me? Ya feel me?! Ahhh, ya feel me.

GONZALEZ: I cannot stay asleep past 9 a.m. anymore--we're living odd because the apartment across from us is empty and getting shown. That living room shares a common wall with my bedroom. The one above from us had some sort of infestation and/or moveout, so upstairs they are banging and moving shit around on our roof.

ALBA: The novel (which at this point is still somehow unnamed, since I am beginning to sour on calling it Spin Spin Sugar given it's more hip-hop than whatever the fuck pointless label you'd like to assign the original Sneaker Pimps) is writing itself, at least for the next few scenes. It's excellent how new ideas present themselves as I write. When you wait for The Muse to come along, it's part of the feast or famine mentality. KRS-One feels me on this; maybe Libby, too. When it's not working it feels like It Will Never Work Again but when it does you become less "I'm writing a story" and more like court stenography.

ALBA: Watching the Bush-helmed chain of fools come apart is making for some especially awesome Daily Shows, Repors and Countdowns. Anybody else see the palpable sexual tension between Katie Couric and Stephen last night? Is it wrong I find Katie Couric attractive?

uhh: So I was writing the other day and this blonde sits across from me, which is usually good but she's too hot for Brittany. This is also usually good but since I am trying to be Serious Writer it's a problem. (The old brain-vs-penis chess game, y'understand?) And then the sweater comes off and holy Roger and Zapp, More Bounce to the Ounce. The tank top is stru-guh-ling. I lasted about 20 minutes and then I had to get to another computer and focus, dammit.

ALBA: On Broadway, my former favorite place in town but now merely a contender to the throne, is having a fun localized MySpace party next Thursday. Should be great; one of my favorite mashup DJs, 20 localized hotties (including a couple I know, go fig), and, most importantly to Rob, an hour-and-a-half of a hosted vodka bar. No sin greater, no rapture more exquisite...(Homer drool sound)

GONZALEZ: Why were all my out-of-town friends more than willing to have free vodka with me at an awesome place packed with hot girls getting drunk St. Guinness Day and none of my local ones? Hmm.

ALBA: Will headline the new Cuarenta Caliente out tomorrow, and this will probably be discussed in the Uncast.

GONZALEZ: I am finding ways to be broke. I have a little, but since I assumed unemployment was coming I restarted my account to get a debit card. It's going through processing. Hopefully it'll get here in the next couple days so I can e-file the taxes and score the big return money. That'll let me pay off some of the rent I owe and harvest the rest.

ALBA: The family is leaving for the chickball Final Four next weekend, which is great on its own. But they're also going back home to the Burgh so I get a week FREE to wallow in my crapulence. #1: Write whenever I want. #2: Drink. #3: When in doubt, go back to #2. #4: Poker night next Saturday. #5: WrestleMania at Hooters! #6: #2--really good idea. #7: Make sure AA's still for quitters. #8: Also, writing.

Sixx Mixx 69 (recommended: Lumidee over Audioslave, the Doors block, and "Intergalactic" over the Veronica Mars theme) Party Ben

Straight Outta Sussex

Ladies and gentlemen (and Rob), the five most awesome things you'll see this week:



Hey Ladies Night = DJ BC + the Beastie Boys + Kool and the Gang

Now THAT'S What I'm TALKING ABOUT!

Hell yes I wrote two chapters. Hell yes I did the template change I wanted last month in 3 minutes. Oh, I'm ready for it. C'mon. Bring it.

Last Dance With Dani California = Party Ben + Red Hot Chili Peppers + Tom Petty

Follow The Leader (1.2)

I think in issue 3 next fortnight I might run through my entire playlist of mash-ups I made for a couple interested friends called the Island of Misfit Songs. But until then...

CSS > Pretend We're Dead/I Wanna Be Your J'Lo
Things I know about CSS--
1) CSS is an acronym, and it's French for Cansei Ser Sexy. (What that means in French, I have no clue; all I can do in French is kiss, toast, and offer to sleep with you. I assumed that was the extent of French knowledge I needed, to be fair.)
2) They remind me of a more glammed/electroed out Runaways.
3) I Wanna Be Your JLo is funny.
4) I found these songs via the Forkcast.

IF You Can Download Only One...
Lily Allen > Smile
Every once in a while, the hype's actually true.

Smash-Up Derby > Talking Franz
"Take Me Out" + "Burning Down The House" = \m/. They have a few other live-styled mashes which you can find here.

Tool > The Pot
Because I like Tool.

John Mayer Trio > Who Did You Think I Was?
This was between solo albums for Chappelle's boy, and you can see him starting to skim the pool of what his newest release was about to get into. Even though it clocks in at a quick three minutes, the lyrics and bluesy guitar make it go by even quicker than that.

Tag Team, Back Again, Check And Direct And Let's Begin > Whoomp! (There It Is)
I'm taking you back to the old school. I am an old fool. But I'm so cool. (Shouldn't that be these four words mean you're getting busy?)

Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya Man Public Enemy

Friday Barometer Music Club

the Hold Steady > Stuck Between Stations (Letterman performance)


Travis > Why Does It Always Rain On Me?


Toad the Wet Sprocket > Something's Always Wrong

Follow The Leader

AT LAST I HAVE CONTROL OF YOUR MONITOR! ARE YOU RECEIVING ME?

Ah, nothing like a good Ren and Stimpy joke, huh?

Anyhow, usually this is where you get my favorite songs. In its various nomes de plumes it's been the Rosser Top 15, KWBR, and most recently Radio Free Chula. But since KRS-One and T-Bone were kind enough to get me an iPod, I have decided to take my bimonthly music post and turn it into something different. In this, the post-Pod era, the thin string that music videos and radios were already barely hanging on by in my life has now been about severed completely--only because I can't listen to it while it charges.

Also, this sea change has been inspired by mulitple comments about me finding good music for people. I burned a lot of copies of Night Ripper as a result of the play it received at the holiday party and Libby managed to find one and buy it. I've been known as the biggest audiophile in my circle for a while--somehow completely slipping my consciousness--and I'm always stunned when I'm all geeked out about something and my friends haven't even heard it.

So now, the music post is going to be about recommendations. Just whatever I'm really into that may not be getting the love I feel it deserves, and an old school hip-hop pick [this time: Gimme That Nutt by Eazy-E, just for the Green Acres riff alone].

Hence the new name. And as they sampled from James Brown, I know you got soul/if you didn't you wouldn't be in here...

Nas feat. Kanye West, KRS-One, & Rakim, "Classic (Nike remix)" Speak of the best-MC-ever-not-to-get-filled-with-bullets devil!

Point #1: I would listen to these four guys if the hook was 'we're tag teaming your mom and broadcasting it on YouTube'.

Point #2: Holy fuck. This is like some Voltron shit and if you're getting sick of hearing BALLIN' every other song, this will be your remedy. Rakim now owes it to us to fulfill his promise in his set of verses and drop something this year. Is Eric B. really that busy?

Modest Mouse, "Dashboard" Because when I think Johnny Marr (or for that matter Modest Mouse), I think getting funky. What the--HUGH!?

Incubus, "Dig" It's weird, because Incubus became a more political band with the previous album and have always been known more for their guitar work and everything straight with a clitoris creaming themselves at the sight of Brandon Boyd, but when I hear their rare forays into more romantic songs, those are the ones that stick with me. This is the latest in the series that began back with "Stellar" and I really think it's the best one of the lot. This just begs to be slow danced to at your heart-rending moment of choice (in my mind, the video for this has them as the house band singing this song for the Office's Jim & Pam at their wedding). Why am I so into this with barely a prospect, if that? Good question. It is saying something that I am, though.

OK Go, "Do What You Want" They're rereleasing it to piggyback off of the success of "Here It Goes Again". Since this is the song on the album I like better, I'm perfectly fine with that. Plus, the video seems to be inspired by Garden State and ain't nuthin' wrong with that.

IF You Can Only Get One...
Party Ben, the Pink/Madonna masher "Get This Holiday Party Started" OK, I knew Party Ben before I knew Party Ben. Let me explain: the radio station would play these mashers sometimes and I never got his name before this week. While I wasn't able to get his name I heard an excellent Beasties/Kool & the Gang "Hey Ladies Night" and the phenawesomnal White Stripes/Eric B. & Rakim (sensing a theme this time out?) "Pump Up The Doorbell" which took my Riff of the Year '06 with my favorite remix ever. You may even know him once I name drop "Boulevard Of Broken Songs". Yup, there he is. You can imagine how gleeful I was to find his site with a shitload not only of his singular tracks but some of his half-hour and hour-long live mixes. They range from just decent (the Cake/Gorillaz "Never Feel Good") to fucking sweet (Nelly Furtado/Michael Jackson "Promiscuous With You") to the You-will-get-down-right-the-fuck-now of the mash in bold. It was literally nearly 2 in the morning when I heard this first, and I started dancing in my chair to not wake up the rest of the house. After the cocaine rush that's trying to figure out Girl Talk, this is merely an excellent high with plenty of bags of Cool Ranch around and cheat codes for the PS2. And sometimes it's better.

Justin Timberlake, "What Goes Around (Comes Around)" Yup. I give up. I'm going to out myself: the times I've heard his singles I've liked them. And then immediately deliked them when I found out who made them. (Even in that last sentence my natural instincts went to type what instead of who.) But let's just be honest: the musicianship is untouchable, and Justin at the least doesn't fuck anything up. Not only that, but he's a brilliant mind and the sort of guy I need picking stocks for me. Seriously. Britney Spears before she became a more-conscious Anna Nicole, Alyssa Milano, Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johannson. If I wasn't so full of admiration I'd hate him, too.

the Game featuring Kanye West, "Wouldn't Get Far" It's hilarious. It's sexist. It may even be accurate. Most of all, it's just great. The Game pretty much gets a Kanye beat and rips every video chick of the past 5 years two new orifices for him to deliver the Shocker to. Out of all the songs that are both about fucking and not giving a fuck, this may be my favorite.

Since U Been Gone Kelly Clarkson

Radio Free Chula? Supersize Me!

How To Tell If You Have My iPod: If the first three songs go something along the lines of Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days", ODB's "Brooklyn Zoo", and Coldplay's "Warning Sign"?  Yeah, that's mine and I'll thank you to get your greasy paws off the Best Thing To Happen To Me That Could Get Nothing Higher Than A PG-13 Rating.   Again, a trillion billion thanks to Mike & Rob for the gift.  In order to signify its awesomeness in the Rosser Kingdom, I gave it the only name befitting the grandeur of the object: Jessica Marie.

By the way, as of right now, 4,253 songs.   

Things Radio Should Play And Don't: The Game & Kanye's "Wouldn't Get Far" (maybe the best diss track in the past 3 years) and the Hold Steady's "Stuck Between Stations".

We swing you back to your normal top 15--

DROPS:
"When You Were Young" - 7
"Wind It Up" - 10
"White And Nerdy" - 11

15.  Gym Class Heroes / / Cupid's Chokehold (debut)
14.  Ludacris feat. Pharrell / /  Money Maker (6)
13.  The Fray / /  How To Save A Life (return)
12.  Gwen Stefani feat. Akon / /  The Sweet Escape (14)*
11.  Fergie / /  Fergalicious (9)

10.  Red Hot Chili Peppers / Snow (Hey Oh) (15)*
  9.  Incubus /  Anna Molly (4)
  8.  Fat Joe feat. Lil' Wayne /  Make It Rain (13)*
  7.  Snoop Dogg feat. R.Kelly /  That's That (5)
  6.  John Mayer /  Waiting On The World To Change (2)

  5.  Incubus - Dig (debut)
  4.  Modest Mouse - Dashboard (8)*

  3.  Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race (12)*

  2.  Nelly Furtado - Say It Right (3)*

  1.  Beyonce - Irreplaceable (1) [1m]

Lovefool the Cardigans

And The Friday Barometer's Heart Expanded Three Times That Day

Leaving aside the guy who was just interested enough in the digicam to make an appointment and then completely blow it off, today is a fine, fine day.

Thirdly, my friends are SROing the birthday party next week. Some cute girls, too.

Let us pray.

Secondly, milling around downtown, I met Ryan Hansen. THE Dick Casablancas.

Yes, again. See?


SHOCKER! They were filming at a college, and it turns out Ryan is very impressed with my Brooke Burke wallpaper. The one worrying thing is the look on his face when I revealed I was the guy who got his arm signed. I can only wonder what stories have been told on set. Tragically, I was so overcome by the moment that I forgot to invite the cast to my birthday party. Now that would've been a damn scene and a half.

And ultimately I got home from all of that to find out KS & Rob tag teamed back again to get me the iPod of my dreams. Even if my brother beat me to it by a few weeks, it's par excellence, as the French would say. So I have to figure it out before I get some belts at the bar and hit the casino and decide if I'm going to hit the club for free tomorrow night the week before the real partay or not.

MAN.

Like the kid in Almost Famous said: it's all happening.

Welcome to Jamrock Damian "Jr. Gong" Marley

Radio Free Chula

PULL!:
"Steady, As She Goes" -- 13
"How To Save A Life" -- 14
"Show Me What You Got" -- 15

15. Snow (Hey Oh) ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (11)
14. The Sweet Escape ¤ Gwen Stefani feat. Akon (debut)
13. Make It Rain ¤ Fat Joe feat. Lil' Wayne (12)
12. This Ain't A Scene, It's A Goddamn Arms Race ¤ Fall Out Boy (debut)
11. White And Nerdy ¤ Weird Al Yankovic (4)

10. Wind It Up ¤ Gwen Stefani (9)
9. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (10)*
8. Dashboard ¤ Modest Mouse (debut)
7. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (6)
6. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (3)

5. That's That ¤ Snoop Dogg feat. R.Kelly (8)*
4. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (1)

3. Say It Right ¤ Nelly Furtado (7)*

2. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (2)*

1. Irreplaceable ¤ Beyonce (5) [2w]

Waiting Green Day

Radio Free Chula

DROPS:
"I Will Follow You Into The Dark" - 13

15. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (12)
14. How To Save A Life ¤ the Fray (15)
13. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (8)
12. Make It Rain ¤ Lil' Wayne feat. Fat Joe (14)*
11. Snow (Hey Oh) ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (10)

10. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (11)*
9. Wind It Up ¤ Gwen Stefani (6)
8. That's That ¤ Snoop Dogg feat. R.Kelly (debut)
7. Say It Right ¤ Nelly Furtado (7)*
6. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (4)

5. Irreplaceable ¤ Beyonce (9)*
4. White And Nerdy ¤ 'Weird' Al Yankovic (5)*

3. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (1)

2. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (3)*

1. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (2) [2w]

Basket Case Green Day

Radio Free Chula's 2006 Denoument

DROPS:
"Tell Me Baby" - 11
"Hate (I Really Don't Like You) " - 12
"Nausea" - 14
"Sexy Love" - 15

15. How To Save A Life ¤ the Fray (10)
14. Make It Rain ¤ Lil' Wayne feat. Fat Joe (debut)
13. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (8)
12. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (6)
11. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (13)*

10. Snow (Hey Oh) ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (re-entry)
9. Irreplaceable ¤ Beyonce (9)*
8. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)
7. Say It Right ¤ Nelly Furtado (7)*
6. Wind It Up ¤ Gwen Stefani (debut)

5. White And Nerdy ¤ 'Weird' Al Yankovic (debut)
4. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (3)

3. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (4)*

2. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (2)*

1. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (1) [1m]

Where Is The Love? Black Eyed Peas feat. Justin Timberlake

The Best Music Of 2006

Now, usually I have something deep to say that sums up the year. And I'll get to it.

But first, to the progenitors of "Chicken Noodle Soup", "Chain Hang Low", BALLIN'!, people bringing sexyback months after the song came out, and "everything Rihanna did this year", I have but one thing to say to you: when I see you, it's not going to be pretty. And by 'not going to be pretty', I mean I will punch you all in the face with a speeding U-Haul.

You ask for Hova to come back and he half-asses it. You ask for your horizons to widen and suddenly you're listening to "Scentless Apprentice" backgrounding "Soul Survivor". And just when you think you'll never get to hear Cee-Lo without a backpack on...yeah.

In awards held prior to the ceremony: Night Ripper from Girl Talk got Album of the Year (seriously, the lead track has "Wait" over "Bittersweet Symphony"--and yes, he's using BSS because he could get sued for the 250ish samples on this--immediately followed by "I Ain't Heard Of That" over "Wonderwall" in 40 of the best seconds of the year. And knowledgeable enough about his skills to end with "Neva Eva". What's that Lil' Flip says? Game over?)

Everything I mentioned up in paragraph two tied for Axis Of Evil of the Year, and since they narrowly missed the top 25 the Arctic Monkeys will have to make do with Opening Line of the Year from their near-ubiquitous single "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor": Stop making the eyes at me, I'll stop making the eyes at you. If I had a nickel for every time I thought that.

And in the second-biggest non shock of these proceedings, somehow OK Go managed to win Video of the Year. (BTW, Hinder talking shit about how OK Go doesn't rock is like K-Fed telling Clark Kent to get a job.)

Anyways...yes, let's...commence...

YET THE BRAIN KICKIN', THINKING OF 1,000 THINGS (HONORABLE MENTION)
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tell Me Baby
NeYo - SexyLove
the Roots - Don't Feel Right
the Killers - When You Were Young
Pharrell feat. Kanye - Number 1
Weezer - Perfect Situation
Big Boi & the Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Kryptonite (I'm On It) GEORGE MASON WHAT
Kelly Clarkson - Walk Away

I KNOW. I KNOW! YEP. YEAH, YOU TOO.
25) Fall Out Boy ¤ Dance, Dance
I also only look for sympathy by the act of doing it. So I know where the kids are coming from here.

RIFF of the Year
24) Pearl Jam ¤ Life Wasted
Amount of time it took to win Riff of the Year: 6 seconds. Some Tenworthy stuff from the last survivors of grunge, a motivational speech with the kick in the ass guitar-supplied.

23) Beyonce feat. Jay-Z ¤ Deja Vu
Apparently this is where all the better rhymes went for Sean this year. Not quite "Crazy In Love", but it's good enough.

22) She Wants Revenge ¤ Tear You Apart
Joy Division and Pete Rock's bastard child talk about animal lust with a wholly depressing stutter behind it. Which just makes the animal lust stand out all the more.

21) John Mayer ¤ Waiting On The World To Change
20) Dixie Chicks ¤ Not Ready To Make Nice

Dear George,

Just wait until November.

Love, John.

Dear George,

Hello. Our names are Martie, Emily, and Natalie. You killed our careers for a couple years. Prepare to die.

P.S. FUCK YOU. Stronger message to follow.

Sincerely,
the Dixie Chicks.

19) the Bravery ¤ Unconditional
A great song that New Order didn't write...I guess...about the less fun upside of being single: the constant flip-flop of not caving vs. wanting someone in your life.

18) Yung Joc ¤ It's Goin' Down
Come on, it's okay. Just do the dance. Nobody's looking.

17) Regina Spektor ¤ Fidelity
I swear next year I'll have a Horribly Underplayed Song of the Year category. A kinda-sorta love song so great Veronica Mars used it, even if it didn't ultimately break the title character's fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaalll.

16) Franz Ferdinand ¤ The Fallen
The winners of last year's Line of the Year almost pulled it off again this year with any of the first four lines, praised their own personal saviors, had some adult beverages, got in a fight, and provided another 3½ minutes of feet-stomping singalong rock'n'roll the way it used to beish. No wonder everybody loves these guys!

15) Three 6 Mafia ¤ Stay Fly
The best part of a great party jam happens right off in the background: you're my peeps/'till I die...But nobody remembers that because the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chorus sticks in your he-he-he-he-he-head. Shit, where do you think Regina Spektor got the idea? And Girl Talk's minute of this over "1979" is phenawesomenal.

14) Cassie ¤ Me & U
A model-looking chick--except with the actual pedigree--drums up enough courage to make her move, now, over a beat I'm almost positive got lifted from the Bravery.

13) Ne-Yo ¤ So Sick
You know, for a talented guy you'd think he'd have some concept of what exactly a self-fulfilling prophecy entails...

12) Death Cab For Cutie ¤ I Will Follow You Into The Dark
Feel the love.

11) Fall Out Boy ¤ A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'
This shouldn't made the top 25. The song was too short. The title was too long. The video was too goofy. And it was the 3rd single after two other hit singles. So why did this chart so high for me? Because I am the progeny of people who actually set their clocks late so they're always early, and I've blown it with a girl. Or 47.

And now, for the creme de la menthe!

10) T-Pain feat. Mike Jones ¤ I'm N Luv With A Stripper (remix)
Been there. Done that. Got the receipt to prove it. And the fact this song starts off as a barely revved up acoustic guitar...there is great, and then there is really great. This would be the second.

9) Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland ¤ Promiscuous
What happened to my crunchy fair-voiced baby!? Minutes later, I realized I didn't care. Much as I thought Kevin Smith was making a mistake with Clerks II that ended up turning into one of my favorite movies of the year, Miss Nash rebounded from "Powerless (Say What You Want)" dying a quick death a couple years ago with her strongest outing to date, Timbaland providing beats and banter all the way. "I Got A Man" for the new generation, and I mean that in the most positive of ways.

8) Kanye West ¤ Touch The Sky
Literally inches away from Video of the Year. The whole President Nixon-Nia Long-'Gold Digger" callback-standing by TV bumper interlude was damn near too funny for words. Oh, by the way, this song also features Kanye's expert wordplay, a great horn section, and some kid named Lupe.

7) E-40 feat. Keak Da Sneak ¤ Tell Me When To Go
That's what going stupid is? I've been doing that since Hammer days! Despite possibly making me engage in legal action, the Bay Area veteran's missile into the middle class did so many great things this year you could find it emulated by A's fans, Playboy cover girls, and thankfully let Lil' Jon finally make a little bit of cash from this music thing. Is it weird because of a certain period between '99 and '01 and how I roll I think of stunna shades as Christian shades?

HOOK of the Year
6) T.I. ¤ What You Know
Allow me to invent a genre, so far as I know: menacing bounce. Look up this song in the hip-hop dictionary, and if it's the new edition that's where you'll find it. "Going Back To Cali": Less Than Zero:: this :: ATL.

5) Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins ¤ Ms. New Booty
Please, please, no USC quarterbacking jokes. When you run into your first-ever high school crush after about a decade, and you love a song, and she really loves a song, yeah, that's a slight advantage in your quest to get in good at a year-ending list. Plus, I'm an ass man by nature anyhow. Ah, memories...

4) the White Stripes ¤ The Denial Twist
Not only did they almost win hook of the year again, about six lines from this got line of the year consideration. This is a sign of a Very Good Band. The shortest song on Get Behind Me Satan's singles list is so simple and accurate that the only imperfection is it's only two and a half minutes long instead of 3 or 4.

3) the Raconteurs ¤ Steady, As She Goes
Dude, I just got finished bigging you up. Jesus. Fine, fine, fine: when I heard VM was coming up with a new open, I deemed this after a couple short months as the only song that could really replace "We Used To Be Friends". It had it all: thinking you found a friend, a great riff, and that insistent end of Are you steady nowwwwwww? signifying anything but. At least I haven't had too much to think yet.

LINE of the Year
2) the All-American Rejects ¤ Move Along
If I'd had a better year, Kanye would've gotten this accolade. And maybe even this spot. Instead, the Everybody Hurts-style song summed up damn near the entirety of my 2006. Miss dating opportunities? Caretaker 50 hours a week for free? Get fired for your first offense? Get creditors calling you daily? Run into three figures and two phones worth of debt? Lose your room? Lose your cable? Lose your grandmother? Have your mom revert back to what she was? Have to keep pretending you have a job because your mom reverts back to what she was?

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

It almost makes the fact the lead guy's attached to Kim Smith forgiveable, if you ask me.

1) Gnarls Barkley ¤ Crazy
About as big a shock as Jessica Alba winning my hottie list every 2 months. And just about as big a cakewalk. It's a remarkable thing for a song to be played everywhere for months on end and your instinct time and time again is to turn it up to 11. Yes, everywhere. Hip-hop. Top 40. Pop. Alternative. The fucking jazz station, for god's sake. And who would've thought they'd get the last ha ha ha with a club banging electro hip-hop orchestral tune about insanity? Bless their souls. And doubly bless their awesome live show I need to see next year, assuming I ever get money again.

Radio Free Chula

A prologue: Girl Talk's Night Ripper is so far and away the best album of the year that every other album released this year should get together and file a class-action rape charge. You think I'm kidding.

DROPS:
"Snow (Hey Oh)" - 9
"London Bridge (Oh Shit)" - 13
"Maneater" - 14

15. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (10)
14. Nausea ¤ Beck (15)
13. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (12)*
12. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White T's (9)
11. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (3)

10. How To Save A Life ¤ the Fray (debut)
9. Irreplaceable ¤ Beyonce (debut)
8. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (8)
7. Say It Right ¤ Nelly Furtado (debut)
6. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (11)*

5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (4)
4. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (6)*

3. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1)

2. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (5)*

1. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (2) [2w]

Smash Your Head Girl Talk

Radio Free Chula

DROPS:
All Gnarls--"Crazy" was #8, "Gone Daddy Gone" #13

15. Nausea ¤ Beck (12)
14. Maneater ¤ Nelly Furtado (debut)
13. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (14)*
12. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (15)*
11. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (11)*

10. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (6)
9. Snow (Hey Oh) ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (debut)
8. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (3)
7. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (9)*
6. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (7)*

5. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (10)*
4. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)

3. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (2)

2. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (4)*

1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1) [6w]

Go Common feat. John Mayer

20%.

I'm sure if I hadn't gone out for 8 jobs this week and already gotten shut down for 2, if the installation fee for the internet didn't fall on my head somehow due to the move, if I had any money, if the people looking for said money stopped calling three times a day and I didn't have to stay up until 2 a.m. to get some fucking quiet in this house I would be on pace or ahead.

Then again, wouldn't be my life, would it?

A village of supporting characters is cropping up. My idea to write four times a day in 15-minute bursts is going okay. Perhaps I should've thought of it before 5 hours ago. Brittany is going to have to address her singlehood, her brother David is going to have to address whether she wants it, and she might be into either the guy who was a victim of his girlfriend beating him in the library, the officer making the arrest, the reporter who's about to launch her into the stratosphere, or the guy her best friend wants to set her up with.

I'm on my way
I don't know where I'm goin'
I'm on my way
I'm taking my time but I don't know where...

Oh, in order to write the first club scene I did put together the DJ BC Saturday Night Mix, which for all none of you who care goes like this

1 - Madison Avenue, "Don't Call Me Baby"
2 - Mobb Deep feat. 50 Cent & Nate Dogg, "Have A Party"
3 - Chris Brown feat. Juelz Santana, "Run It (remix)"
4 - Purple Ribbon All-Stars feat. Big Boi, "Kryptonite (I'm On It)"
5 - Jackson 5, "I Want You Back"
6 - Dem Franchize Boyz feat. Jermaine Dupri, Da Brat, and Bow Wow, "I Think They Like Me (remix)"
7 - Chamillionaire feat. Lil' Flip, "Turn It Up"
8 - Cassie, "Me & U" (in a perfect world it would've been the DJ Steve 1nder mash with the Cure's "Close To You" with the backbeat. ahhhhhhhhh.)

9
Tears Of A Shakeoff DJ AM's Mariah Carey/Smokey Robinson and the Miracles mash

10 - Franz Ferdinand, "Take Me Out"
11 - Three 6 Mafia feat. 8-Ball, MJG, and Young Buck, "Stay Fly"
12 - E-40 feat. Keak Da Sneak, "Tell Me When To Go"
13 - Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins, "Ms. New Booty"
14 - Fall Out Boy, "Dance, Dance"
15 - Yung Joc, "It's Goin' Down"
16 - Sean Paul, "Temperature"
17 - The Outfield, "Your Love"
18 - Lighter Shade Of Brown, "Hey DJ"
19 - Kurupt feat. Snoop Dogg, Warren G, and Nate Dogg, "Ain't No Fun"

Feel free to burn it and try it on your own fun endeavors. I'm going to take a short break and hopefully can get another half hour's work in before I go out and fuel up.

I can do this.

Even now.

Just got to keep chopping.

Radio Free Chula

Before you say anything...I know.

DROPS:
"U & Dat" (11)
"Here It Goes Again" (12)

15. Fergalicious ¤ Fergie (debut)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (14)
13. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)
12. Nausea ¤ Beck (15)*
11. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (13)*

10. Anna Molly ¤ Incubus (debut)
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (9)*
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (8)
7. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (10)*
6. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (4)

5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (5)
4. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (6)*

3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (3)*

2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (2)

1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (1) [1m]

So Whatcha Want Beasties

Radio Free Chula

DROPS:
"Promiscuous" (11)
"White Gurl" (15)

15. Nausea ¤ Beck (14)
14. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (12)
13. Show Me What You Got ¤ Jay-Z (debut)
12. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (10)
11. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (9)

10. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (13)*
9. Hate (I Really Don't Like You) ¤ Plain White Ts (debut)
8. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (5)
7. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (7)*
6. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (8)*

5. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (2)
4. SexyLove ¤ Ne-Yo (3)

3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (6)*

2. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (1)

1. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (4) [2w]

Radio Free Chula

Nice, huh?

DROPS:
"Idlewild Blue (Don't 'Chu Worry 'Bout Me)", 7
"Work It Out", 13

15. White Gurl ¤ E-40 feat. Juelz Santana & Bun B (14)
14. Nausea ¤ Beck (debut)
13. Waiting On The World To Change ¤ John Mayer (debut)
12. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (15)*
11. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado f/Timbaland (8)

10. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (12)
9. U & Dat ¤ E-40 & T-Pain (6)
8. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris f/Pharrell (10)*
7. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (11)*
6. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (9)*

5. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (3)
4. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (5)*

3. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (2)

2. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (1)

1. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (4) [2w]

Right Place, Wrong Time John Spencer Blues Explosion

KWBR

• I want to name this something different; I just havent' figured out what yet.
• Hard at work compiling the top 25 of '06 list. As of this mostly completed list, long-time followers could probably guess the top 2 songs. No one is in the top 25 twice, though, as of right now.
• Industry Rule #4,080: no local terrestrial radio is playing "Idlewild Blue", John Mayer's "Waiting On the World To Change", or Regina Spektor's "Fidelity". Criminal, especially the latter. It breaks my hea ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah artttttt...but enough sidebar banter.

DROPS:
"Deja Vu", 9..."Original Fire", 14...."It's Goin' Down", 15

15. London Bridge (Oh, Shit) ¤ Fergie (debut)
14. White Gurl ¤ E-40 feat. Juelz Santana & Bun B (debut)
13. Work It Out ¤ Jurassic 5 feat. Dave Matthews (12)
12. Here It Goes Again ¤ OK Go (10)
11. Gone Daddy Gone ¤ Gnarls Barkley (11)

10. Money Maker ¤ Ludacris feat. Pharrell (debut)
9. I Will Follow You Into The Dark ¤ Death Cab For Cutie (13)*
8. Promiscuous ¤ Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland (5)
7. Idlewild Blue (Don't 'Chu Worry 'Bout Me) ¤ Andre 3000 (4)
6. U & Dat ¤ E-40 feat. T-Pain (8)*

5. When You Were Young ¤ the Killers (7)*
4. Tell Me Baby ¤ Red Hot Chili Peppers (6)*

3. Crazy ¤ Gnarls Barkley (1)

2. SexyLove ¤ NeYo (2)*

1. Steady, As She Goes ¤ the Raconteurs (3) [2w]

Behind These Immigrant Eyes DJ Aggro's Kelly Clarkson/Led Zeppelin mash