Better Know A Hottie

Saw Grindhouse on Easter (because that's how I am. Plus, it was Aaron's idea) and since I didn't loathe it as much as the auteur did I do believe at the rate she's going Vanessa Ferlito is going to
make some deprived Asian kid damn happy in 2017:

My Name's Not Mitchell Or Ness But I Throwback Like The Best Of Them

There is still a thin row of sweat going across my head. I keep coughing up what appears to slime in quarter and dime-sized increments. My neck is sore, and my back is a little off.

These are not stress-reduced ailments with the imminent return of the family; it's because I caught wreck again last night. I made a last second decision to go out again--empty house or not, it's still Friday night and I'm still 28, single, and semi-decent looking. I went to a one of my favorite usual spots and Jen the Hottest Bartender In the County had the night off at Confidential. Fortunately, the smoked bacon mini quesadillas were as good as ever. There was a cute girl named Megan in her place who's into baseball. (Previous sentence for Aaron.) I went down the block and as I stand on the corner someone asks me where Aubergine is. I happen to be going to Aubergine, so I get to lead them the rest of the way. It was hilarious for the four blocks we were together. I even pulled the "you kids back there better settle down or I'll turn this thing around and nobody'll go to Disneyland this year!" card.

And then we got there and then I had to pay. I hadn't paid a full cover in about 2 years. It blew. I jokingly brought it up to my DJing buddy, and he gave me half cover and hooked me up with some VIP stuff in the future. He put on "It Takes Two" when I asked for it, and I reciprocated with the Running Man.

Bitches loves the Running Man.

This sort of thing is what we in the writing industry call foreshadowing.

So Mikey kills his hour-and-a-half set, and the guys I made friends with bounce in the other room, and I make some friends in there, and I get my fill in before I'm about to bounce and catch the last bus back to the vicinity of here. But Mikey stops me, and then it happens.

We take a couple doors backstage, and then bang I'm on stage. The bass is ridonkulous. I can feel it vibrating through me. I gave a few head nods to my buddies at the front with a little "Hey, lookit me" smirk. And it's about 1, so the club is SRO at this point. Also at this point, I can see Mikey whispering to the DJ, Scooter, and he nods at me. In the immortal words of Tyler Durden, I knew the rest of the story before he even told it to me.

Let Us Take You Back To Earlier In The Night At Confidential, during which in conversation between pitches at the Padres game down the block I may have mentioned the Turk Dance seen earlier in the week at this site.

Now he slows down "Welcome To Jamrock" and naturally everybody starts looking towards the stage and it's Scooter on the decks, Mikey with a big shit-eating grin on his face, and me.

Fortunately for me, I'd had 4 beers.

The BBD groove hits and you'd think with like 500 people in front of you I would've focused on that but in my head it was all "Hit the steps. Hit the steps. Right over left." But I can say once I hit the hand clap and went behind the back the shit was officially on. It was nearly an out-of-body experience: the bass just creating a breeze, making sure early I hit the steps, hearing a metric shitload (scientific term) of people yelling GO GO GO at me. At that point, as everybody sang the bridge, it got to the chorus and it was Running Man time again.

This may be literally the most fun I've had with all my clothes on.

My friends in the front are about to fall over. This birthday girl Carmen who was friends with Scooter in this low-cut black top is jumping up and down so much I saw areola.

And I'm thinking to myself, "You know, I'm not the mayor, but I could probably fill in in a pinch."

So hopefully in a few hours, I get that feeling of joy back. And that first paragraph is going to magically disappear, if only for a while.

Alanis Morissette [MY HUMPS]

Better Know A Hottie

Yes, my town is superior to yours.









SAN DIEGO....SUPER CHAAAAAAAAAAARGERS!

Adina Howard[FREAK LIKE ME]

Y Mi Palabra Es La Ley

To anybody I offend in the the following 76-minute podcast: from the bottom of my heart, y'all can eat this dick.

Tres Delinquentes Deliquent Habits

Better Know A Hottie

Cue up the Van Halen. From 7th grade teacher to SmackDown diva? That's cool. Hell, that's Michelle McCool.



The Sweetest Thing (Mahogany remix) Lauryn Hill

This Friday Barometer Is Sponsored By Dunder-Mifflin

ALBA: I think my trip through the poker desert is over, at least today and probably tomorrow, too. I've played about 12 times this week--11th, 5th, 2nd yesterday, the win earlier this week. I am really proud of my play advancing almost to the point where I usually get busted by getting outdrawn (i.e., getting my money in with the best hand and the giddy fickle middle finger of fate coming into play and rarely getting trumped by the three, two, or single hand(s) they might have that can beat me, in which case I say "nh" and go "Well, the odds on that were pretty small. That's poker." I've been laying down two pairs and outdrawn three of a kinds recently, and that is some hard shit to get away from. I think something not noted about the proliferation of Tex on TV is that it gives so many myriad options to improve if not wholly overhaul whatever your style is, and you can pick and choose what you're going to take from the best players in the world. Old me was just getting lucky, more or less; me now is actually a good player. Great is way too egotistical for even me to believe at this point, but I definitely feel like I'm...I dunno, like 85th percentile or something. I suppose we'll find out next Saturday night.

GONZALEZ: Heard back from the unemployment office; turns out that firing was justifiable and I won't be getting the 90 bucks a week. (bitterly) Thank you, President Ford.

ALBA: there was that night that we thought that John Berryman could fly/but he didn't so he died... I am sooo close to renaming the blog a line from that song. Lazy Undisciplined Sleeping Late, mayhaps?

ALBA: Guess who's rocking the 2nd Uncast Sunday? Oh, yeah. You should get the first since Danny and Vicki did an actual debut that didn't blow chunks in the least, and if you don't know, now ya learnin'. It should be going up late Sunday/early Monday.

ALBA: San Diego is getting its own sort of bootleg Bootie all-mashup songs night club starting on the 7th, and you wouldn't believe who's in some early talks thanks to online forums about helping with the playlist. Then again, you are here. Maybe you would.

ALBA: You seen Sideshow Bob's sister on the Idle? Oh, I would chutney in those mangos...ya feel me? Ya feel me?! Ahhh, ya feel me.

GONZALEZ: I cannot stay asleep past 9 a.m. anymore--we're living odd because the apartment across from us is empty and getting shown. That living room shares a common wall with my bedroom. The one above from us had some sort of infestation and/or moveout, so upstairs they are banging and moving shit around on our roof.

ALBA: The novel (which at this point is still somehow unnamed, since I am beginning to sour on calling it Spin Spin Sugar given it's more hip-hop than whatever the fuck pointless label you'd like to assign the original Sneaker Pimps) is writing itself, at least for the next few scenes. It's excellent how new ideas present themselves as I write. When you wait for The Muse to come along, it's part of the feast or famine mentality. KRS-One feels me on this; maybe Libby, too. When it's not working it feels like It Will Never Work Again but when it does you become less "I'm writing a story" and more like court stenography.

ALBA: Watching the Bush-helmed chain of fools come apart is making for some especially awesome Daily Shows, Repors and Countdowns. Anybody else see the palpable sexual tension between Katie Couric and Stephen last night? Is it wrong I find Katie Couric attractive?

uhh: So I was writing the other day and this blonde sits across from me, which is usually good but she's too hot for Brittany. This is also usually good but since I am trying to be Serious Writer it's a problem. (The old brain-vs-penis chess game, y'understand?) And then the sweater comes off and holy Roger and Zapp, More Bounce to the Ounce. The tank top is stru-guh-ling. I lasted about 20 minutes and then I had to get to another computer and focus, dammit.

ALBA: On Broadway, my former favorite place in town but now merely a contender to the throne, is having a fun localized MySpace party next Thursday. Should be great; one of my favorite mashup DJs, 20 localized hotties (including a couple I know, go fig), and, most importantly to Rob, an hour-and-a-half of a hosted vodka bar. No sin greater, no rapture more exquisite...(Homer drool sound)

GONZALEZ: Why were all my out-of-town friends more than willing to have free vodka with me at an awesome place packed with hot girls getting drunk St. Guinness Day and none of my local ones? Hmm.

ALBA: Will headline the new Cuarenta Caliente out tomorrow, and this will probably be discussed in the Uncast.

GONZALEZ: I am finding ways to be broke. I have a little, but since I assumed unemployment was coming I restarted my account to get a debit card. It's going through processing. Hopefully it'll get here in the next couple days so I can e-file the taxes and score the big return money. That'll let me pay off some of the rent I owe and harvest the rest.

ALBA: The family is leaving for the chickball Final Four next weekend, which is great on its own. But they're also going back home to the Burgh so I get a week FREE to wallow in my crapulence. #1: Write whenever I want. #2: Drink. #3: When in doubt, go back to #2. #4: Poker night next Saturday. #5: WrestleMania at Hooters! #6: #2--really good idea. #7: Make sure AA's still for quitters. #8: Also, writing.

Sixx Mixx 69 (recommended: Lumidee over Audioslave, the Doors block, and "Intergalactic" over the Veronica Mars theme) Party Ben

Get Me Over The Hump Day

Jessica White. Drinking at 12. Marijuana at 13. Going Office Space on a romantic rival's car in high school. It just goes to show the old American idealogy: you can get through anything with enough looks and/or money.








Freak Like Me Adina Howard

Get Me Over The Hump Day

First the Nick thing, now this. Why is Jessica Simpson so easily replaceable? And why even think about it when I can bring in some April Scott instead?







In The Meantime Spacehog

Get Me Over The Hump Day

Six feet tall.  Model/volleyballer.   So cute I'm going to ignore the fact she's going to Florida.  

Kari Klinkenborg, c'mon dowwwwwwwwwn!






(shoutout to With Leather)

Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos Tricky cover

In A Perfect World, the Charger Girls

AWWWWWWWWWWWW:
Sofia Vergara - 30
Michelle Trachtenberg - 33
Petra Nemcova - 37
Kelly Clarkson - 38
Kristin Cavallieri - 39
Anna Kournikova - 40

(40) Rebecca Romijn (return)
(39) Adriana Lima (29)
(38) Shannon Elizabeth (return)
(37) Elizabeth Hurley (36)
(36) Monica Bellucci (20)
(35) Kelly Hu (35)
(34) Lacey Chabert (return)
(33) Hayden Panettierre (new)
(32) Eva Mendes (25)
(31) Jenny McCarthy (return)

(30) Charisma Carpenter (22)
(29) Vanessa Minillo (31)
(28) Jessica Simpson (34)
(27) Mayra Veronica (27)
(26) Jaime Pressly (32)
(25) Carmen Electra (return)
(24) Esther Baxter (28)
(23) Summer Altice (24)
(22) Vida Guerra (26)
(21) Sarah Shahi (17)

(20) Kim Smith (16)
(19) Halle Berry (18)
(18) C.J. Gibson (23)*
(17) Katherine Heigl (14)
(16) Shakira (19)
(15) Derek Jeter Has Ruined Jessica Biel For The Time Being (2)
(14) Beyonce (21)
(13) Jennifer Walcott (13)
(12) Raquel Gibson (15)*
(11) Kristen Bell (10)

(10) Jennifer Love Hewitt (11)
(09) Watch It, Scarlett Johannson (8)
(08) Kate Beckinsale (12)
(07) Salma Hayek (5)
(06) Angelina Jolie (3)
(05) Marisa Miller (7)*
(04) Stacy Keibler (9)*
(03) Trish Stratus (6)
(02) Eva Longoria (4)

(01) Our Lady St. Jessica Of Perpetual Awesome Hotness (dur)

Outta Control (remix) 50 Cent. feat Mobb Deep

Is She On The List?

Should she be, at 17? I open the floor for discussion.

CON: Not legal in the state of California.

PRO:

How To Save A Life the Fray

Terrorists 1, America 0

This is not our country, despite reports to the contrary. I mean, if Miss USA has to pull a Mel for liking barely legal poon and they strip Miss Nevada for minor offenses like this, let's just knock down Mt. Rushmore and get started on the big statue of Osama. Jeez.

I'm Pretty Sure This Ensures A White Christmas

Skinny little Lacey Chabert.

She grew up.

She filled out.

Lost One Jay-Z

Throwing Muses (Out There)

AWWW:
Brooke Burke, 19 -- Mariah Carey, 26 -- Keira Knightley, 33 --
Lacey Chabert, 37 -- Carmen Electra, 39

(40) Anna Kournikova (re)
(39) Kristin Cavallari (d)
(38) Kelly Clarkson (d)
(37) Petra Nemcova (36)
(36) Elizabeth Hurley (25)
(35) Kelly Hu (40)
(34) Jessica Simpson (re)
(33) Michelle Trachtenberg (re)
(32) Jamie Pressly (32)
(31) Vanessa Minillo (31)

(30) Sofia Vergara (21)
(29) Adriana Lima (38)
(28) Esther Baxter (34)
(27) Mayra Veronica (27)
(26) Vida Guerra (23)
(25) Eva Mendes (35*)
(24) Summer Altice (30)
(23) C.J. Gibson (24*)
(22) Charisma Carpenter (18)
(21) Beyonce (17)

(20) Monica Bellucci (28*)
(19) Shakira (12)
(18) Halle Berry (20)
(17) Sarah Shahi (29*)
(16) Kim Smith (22)

(15) Raquel Gibson (14)
(14) Katherine Heigl (13)
(13) Jennifer Walcott (10)
(12) Kate Beckinsale (6)
(11) Jennifer Love Hewitt (9)

(10) Kristen Bell (8)
(9) Stacy Keibler (11)
(8) Scarlett Johannson (16*)
(7) Marisa Miller (15*)
(6) Trish Stratus (4)

(5) Salma Hayek (7)
(4) Eva Longoria (3)

(3) Angelina Jolie (5)

(2) Jessica Biel (2)

(1) Jessica Alba (1)

No Sensitivity Jimmy Eat World